AA Thought for the Day
(courtesy AA-Alive.net)
January 16, 2013
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The Actor
More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life.
He is very much the actor.
To the outer world he presents his stage character.
This is the one he wants his fellows to see.
He wants to enjoy a certain reputation,
but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 73
Thought to Ponder . . .
Self-esteem doesn't need an audience.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
F E A R = Frustration, Ego, Anxiety, Resentment.
A Member Shares:
My name is John, and I'm an alcoholic. The more my alcoholism progressed, the more masks or higher the wall I built to keep you away. I came to AA because I was desperate. I hated who I was, the person I'd become -- the drunk, irresponsible, unreliable father and husband. When I was drinking I wore the mask. The look on my face as I walked down the streets in New York City was one of, "don't screw with me -- I'm the wrong guy to mess with." I was afraid, but more, afraid to show it. It was easier to look angry than afraid. But I knew it was not me. When I came to AA, I went to diners with old timers and my sponsor after meetings. They could see through my mask and through the wall I'd built. They had been there, and by the grace of God, were willing to share their experience, strength and hope with a slug like me. The real blessing came for me when my sponsor and I unpacked my 4th Step, and in my 5th Step, my sponsor became the first man ever to really know John. Others thought they did by the phony façade -- the mask -- but they didn't. One brick at a time, the wall came down, and I could see out. For years I built that wall to keep you out; to keep you away so you didn’t know who John was. The truth is that by building that wall, I was imprisoning myself behind it -- me and my bottle suffocating behind that wall. In my 5th Step, that wall began to crumble and I felt free. I came to AA sick and desperate and you people loved me. From time to time, I can still find myself putting the mask back on, but if I stop for a minute, I know why -- I am afraid. I do not drink over it, I share at meetings, and I talk with my sponsor and others. I do not need a mask because I am just John; just like you. I am an alcoholic who is blessed to have you and a Higher Power to steer the boat as I row each day. I can be the man I always wanted to be, but had no chance of being with a bottle in my hand, hiding behind the wall and the mask. Thank you for letting me share.
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(All shares are reproduced with the kind permission of the person sharing)
Thanks to all of you for sharing so generously of your experience, strength and hope in carrying the AA message.
Blessings in sobriety to all,
In love and service,
joanna b
dailythought@verizon.net
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